Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Balqis came back with a flu! She has a bad stuffed up nose. Been watching her the whole of last night too. Her nose wasnt so bad then, though. I was having a phobia attack the whole night and couldnt sleep a wink until after 'The Apprentice' which comes up to almost 3am. My phobia was that of earthquake happening if I close my eyes and fall asleep. I thought if it happens, I will first grab Balqis & Adam and make a mad dash out of the house and run far away from the house to avoid the rubbles. My imagination was really running wild and I was contemplating of waking my darling husband up. But since he was seriously orchestrating a series of snores, I dont have the heart to do so. Nevertheless, I finally succumbed to acute lethargic-ness and fell into very deep sleep. I went to sleep surrounded by all my loved ones.

The whole day today, I thought of the less fortunate. What will I do if I were in their shoes? I will never be that strong to face all the calamities. I cant bear to look at the parents holding dead bodies of their children. I cant bear to look at the rows of children who will never again open their eyes and play with their toys or eat the cookies. They will never ever be able to be naughty again or drive their parents crazy! They wont be needing those new school shoes because they will never have to attend school ever again. No need for lullabies or lollipops.

At my darling husband's Faculty, there are 9 vocational school teachers from Aceh, enrolled in an advanced course. There had been nothing but anguish. Tears and more tears. Not knowing whether their children are dead or alive. I cant imagine being in their shoes. I know I will never be able to have the strength. The only place they thought could help them was of course, logically their Embassy. Upon arrival and hearing their plight, they were merely shown the newspaper and were asked to just refer to them for any updates.

Today, I help arrange through some editor friends, special interviews with the group of 9 Aceh people who have no idea what have happened to their loved ones, property and how their future would be like from now on. There were a lot of tears and if they could fly, they would have arrived at what would have been their doorsteps back home within seconds. But will they find their family? CNN reports that bodies are everywhere in Banda Aceh and none are being claimed. Chances are nobody can claim them because nobody is around anymore. Their whole family wiped out. How do you break such news?

When I look at my Balqis and Adam now, I look at them with very different eyes. They are my precious love. God, give me the strength to know and realise what is happening in the world around me at the moment, for I too am affected so severely, emotionally. How can I not be?

From a mother to all the mothers in the world, specifically those with strengths and patience to hold on to your faith, and some who has no choice but to hang on to the little bit of sanity that's left after what you have gone through, I pray for you and your loved ones.



signing off..Hazelinesnow at 11:08 PM [ | ]

{Takes all sorts to make the world .. the world..}

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

The kids did not wake up at 6am today! That leaves me with some time to do some last minute house work. Sent my brood off at 7.30am, with Balqis almost falling asleep again on her feet. Two destinations this morning, as always, the babysitter's and LRT. I really hate having to sent them off too early in the morning. I prefer to let them sleep as long as they want then sent them off but then that cant happen this morning. My darling husband as usual, hurries us around all the time in the morning. He does not like to be late and his office uses the archaic punch card system. The cards may vary in colors depending on your attendance basically, the time of your arrival. So this morning, we carried the very sleepy Balqis into the car and the sleepy limp Adam into his baby chair. Adam, though, managed to open his eyes slightly and managed a smile for his mom, when he saw me going into the car. Balqis continued on with her snooze until the babysitter's place. Our babysitter lives in the 3rd floor of a flat very close to our place. I can hear Balqis' scream and crying all the way down to the car park, I'd imagined at that time, it happened when my darling husband said goodbye and turned around to go off.

So I have the whole house all to myself this morning. Enough time to open all the windows and air the whole house before I leave for my hair salon. Then back to the house, change and off to work. At least, that is the plan for the time being.

Only 3 more days to 2005. In 2005, Balqis will be 5 years old in October and Adam, 3 years old in December. She'll be 7 years old soon and off to first year at school. I am quite apprehensive thinking of Balqis going off to the first year at school and I am sure the school will not let me sit in the class with Balqis or even outside of the classroom. Maybe Balqis will sent me home if she knows that I plan to camp outside her classroom just to make sure that she will be okay. I can imagine her rolling her eyes, mouth half opened wondering whether her mom has gone mad. If she has a handphone at that time, she'll probably call my darling husband to ask him to get me off the school property. Anyway, just imagining...

Adam, I am thinking of sending him to where Balqis goes for her playschool now, by mid 2005 so that we have two english speaking people with a very heavy chinese accent in the house. NOT. I vowed that I will one day shed that accent off of Balqis. Balqis is picking up more Malay words now that for the whole month of December, I have her sent over to Adam's babysitter's place. But she recently picked up a five letter word -- BODOH. When I ask her what it means, she does not really know what it means but maybe because it was used by the other kids when in angry mode, thus she try to use it as often as she can! I told her that it's one of the many bad words around and she cant use it on anybody or anything. She listened very attentively and she said in a very tiny, remorseful voice, 'Okay Maa, I wont say it anymore, out loud but can I just say it in my mind?'

Here I am, strategising other people's key messages and looking through corporate strategy and planning, made speechless without any strong key message for my Balqis' question. Fail!






signing off..Hazelinesnow at 7:37 AM [ | ]

{Takes all sorts to make the world .. the world..}

Saturday, December 18, 2004

They finally nap! Been driving me nuts the whole day. Finally some time for me!

I read my horoscope in The STAR today (Not that I believe these things, just doing it for fun) and it said, 'You could be travelling this weekend (really?), whether long distance (oh!) or in cyberspace (that's more like it). There's adventure in the air (yahoo), so it's time to crawl out of the crab cave (hey ... I happen to like the cave!) and be free of restrictions and boring routines (hardly a routine). Cant be a routine when you lead a very exciting, invigorating and lively household like the one that I am living in now!

I just realised that Balqis never once today, asked me whether we are going 'jalan' or not. Unlike normal weekends where she will start pestering both of her parents the moment she opened her eyes in the morning. I guess she thought ... dont bother ... Daddy's not here today. She's been cranky since morning though. I hope that it is not a sign that she will be getting the tonsil infection next. Adam is still on medication although looking at him, nobody would have thought that he is not well. Of course, giving medication to him needs a lot of manipulation and strength. Not so much of strategising is needed in that department.

Because I had some time to spare yesterday, I went shopping for cookies and snack food. As a result to my ingenuity, we have a well stock up larder full of cookies and snack food for the next two weeks. I love looking for candies, cookies and snack food surrounding the Christmas celebrations. You have a load of choices especially if you drop by at places like Bangsar. So, as a result of that, I am now officially munching on some cookies which brands I cant even pronounced. It says 'Bahlsen. LEBKUCHEN MISCHUNG. Neue Rezeptur!' Let's see if I can find some english on the packet.. here you go -- 'An assortment of spiced gingerbread cakes. Plain Chocolate.' Now we know what we are eating. My all time favorite brand is actually Keebler. My only problem nowadays is that those two little rascals get bored easily with anything including the type of cookies and snacks we buy. Thus I have to end up buying various packages and end up rotating it for their consumption. Sometimes what they had last week, is a no-no this week, so I have to remember what I bought last week and the week before that. Selecting cookies supply for the home is never an easy task and takes some strategising and sometimes, to a certain extend a degree of manipulation too. The manipulation comes in usually when one smart rascal retorts that '...that is the same thing you fed me last week the same day and at this time too!' Good to know that she has a very good memory but it's not good to know and realise that you dont have an excuse or a good answer to give to a certain 4 year old! I definitely have to read more books on bringing up children and look up on the specifics of 'Answering Strategies and Beyond: 1-4 years old' and 'Undetectable Manipulating Language and Strategies for 4 years old and below'. That gives me a great idea! How about coming up with an Encyclopedia on this. It can be categorised according to age group. Okay, I digress and deviate at the same time.

Before the CEO (Balqis) and COO (Adam) wake up, I'd better go and prepare the fried chicken now before all hell or heaven depending on situations, break loose. Happy eating this Christmas season. Excuse me while I enjoy my cookies.

Crab cave ... ceh!




signing off..Hazelinesnow at 4:16 PM [ | ]

{Takes all sorts to make the world .. the world..}

Friday, December 17, 2004

A few weeks ago when I was out shopping for some kid's music, I stumbled upon one album which I, without hesitation, bought. The title is 'Golden SLUMBERS', a father's lullaby. If you like jazz or new age, then you'll love this because it consists of the genre of music produced and mostly arranged by an all time favorite of mine like Dave Koz and David Benoit. The album consists of these wonderful music:

1. Blackbird (John Lennon/Paul McCartney) featuring Dave Koz & Jeff Koz
2. Isnt She Lovely (Stevie Wonder) featuring John Stoddart
3. Charlotte's Song (adapted from Dvorak) featuring Peter White
4. Brahms' Lullaby (Johannes Brahms) featuring Brian Culbertson
5. You'll Be In My Heart (Kala's Lullaby) (Phil Collins) featuring Steve Kujala, Grant Gessman and Brad Cole
6. Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star (Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart) featuring Dave Koz & Jeff Koz
7. When You Wish Upon A Star (Ned Washington/Leigh Harlins) featuring David Benoit
8. Hush Little Baby (Traditional) featuring Bruce Watson
9. Somewhere Over the Rainbow (E.Y. Harburg/Harold Arlen) featuring Rick Braun
10. Lullaby For Isabella (Dave Koz/Jeff Koz) faturing Dave Koz & Jeff Koz
11. Afro Cuban Lullaby Traditional) featuring Bruce Watson
12. All the Pretty Horses/Scarborough Fair) (Traditional) featuring Grant Geissman & Brad Cole
13. You can Close Your Eyes (James Taylor) featuring Norman Brown
14. Golden Slumbers (John Lennon/Paul McCartney) featuring Dave Koz & Jeff Koz

The album was inspired by the talents of the participating artists whose intimate creations became personal dedications to their own children. Jeff Koz wrote that 'It is my wish, that as fathers young and old listen to these lullabies, they too might find a bit of inspirations to share with their children'.

In the inside inlay, it states: 'Moments That We Share Today Are Memories That Last A Lifetime'. Accompanying these beautiful words is a picture of a baby craddled in his daddy's arms. Just simply beautiful.

But alas, there is a stern warning for the listeners: May cause drowsiness in infants as well as some adults. Babies should not drive or operate heavy machinery while litening to this music!

To experience the music, go get one today! To be inspired by it, go listen to it NOW.

I categorised it as 'A Must Have!'

To get to know one of my favorite artists or for more of Dave Koz, please visit: http://www.davidkoz.com




signing off..Hazelinesnow at 9:45 PM [ | ]

{Takes all sorts to make the world .. the world..}

Thursday, December 16, 2004

The whole of last night, Adam seemed to be suffering from a tummy ache as he wriggled from left to right, calling 'Daddy!' I rub some ointments on his tummy and that somehow made it better but only for awhile. He woke up again, screaming. Finally, to pacify him, I let him sleep on me. That seems to calm him down and he managed to continue on with his slumber until morning. And of course, since he always wakes up before everybody else, he torments and disturbs us, in his effort to wake us all.

Today, is the second day of me being Santarina bearing gifts for the Editors and journalists for a client. And I was at the bank when I received a call -- Adam is having fever! Sigh ...

I managed two publications, Sin Chew Jit Poh & The STAR and flew back to get Adam. When we got to the doctor, he was at 39.6! The poor baby!

I think Adam is missing his dad. This is the first time, he's been left for more than a few days. We called Jakarta, I thought perhaps just let Adam hears his Daddy's voice. Balqis had a good chat. Adam just simply listened, smiling from ear to ear.

I hope he will be better tomorrow. I know I wont be able to sleep well tonight. Just two more days, Adam.... and Daddy will be with you. The poor darling!



signing off..Hazelinesnow at 11:11 PM [ | ]

{Takes all sorts to make the world .. the world..}

Monday, December 13, 2004

I worked from home today. Sent everybody off by 8am and from then onwards it was my time. Tomorrow would be murderous. But all in all, I managed to squeeze an hour at the salon. Fetched the kids early (5pm) and spent time with them with Playhouse Disney. Mostly with Pooh, Bananas in Pajamas, Clifford the Big Red Dog and a few more. The list is endless.

My darling husband got home barely 5 seconds before he had to shower, put on fresh clothes and out he goes again for another meeting. Tomorrow he is flying off to Jakarta and I have just finished packing for him. What I have not done is prepare them notes for him so that he'll know which shirt goes with which tie and pants and oh of course, the socks too. But I did place the ties together with the designated shirts, just in case.

I've started to tell Balqis about Daddy not coming home from work and will be sleeping somewhere else until he finished his work. What makes me explain or rather the decision to explain all this to Balqis took place after I realise that she is finally old enough to know that Daddy's not back and he is not back for 'a lot of times'. I figured that for the next few days, I will have a badgers of questions about 'Where's Daddy, Ma?' 'Why he not come home?' 'Why he sleep different home?' Actually I know this for sure because it has already started! ... and he is only leaving tomorrow! Basically it started the day I explained to Balqis about him leaving. And of course since that fatefull day, I'm just swarmed by the questions. And today I reminded her about him leaving again and the first question she uttered when she first lay eyes on him was,'Daddy .. you going to sleep at different home?' Yeah ... I thought... that sounds like he has another wife isnt it? Let's hope that Balqis does not say that to too many people.

Adam, I think will be a problem. He always want to fall asleep with his daddy. Tonight, he realised that daddy went off and left him. Tears came but in interval like manner. Kind of like ... when it rains, it pours? I think he cried and called out ..'daddy' as and when he remembered him. Adam would be more like ...'daddy mana?' The poor baby. Come to think of it... Poor me ... I'm gonna be stuck with two wailing kids crying their hearts out for their daddy whenever it's sleep time!

Balqis & Adam fights nowadays. It will always start off with Adam banging Balqis's head with one of the toys (the hard ones) or something. Or disturbing Balqis when she colors. Or simply pulling the book from right under her nose, when she diligently and painstakingly has chosen the right combination of colors. And this always happens when she is at her best concentration mood. She will retaliate although I noticed that she does not necessary does so all the time. I think when it just simply really gets to her nerves, then she retaliates. She either pushes Adam away, which angers Adam very much or just simply hit back at Adam. Adam of course, will cry sometimes not really out of pain, but out of frustration of being hit.

I always look at them when they sleep and look at them very long. Look at these two sleeping angels. Nobody would have believed me about the chaos these two sleeping angels could have caused.

Tomorrow onwards will be a new experience. An experience that I shall live and re-live later even after a few years from now. Perhaps even after they'd gone off to college. He has not even left and I am wondering and of course, as always knew the answer. We will live through this. Heck ... he'll only be gone for four days, for heaven sake! Get a grip! Somehow or other, I think Balqis would be quite strong living through four whole days without her Daddy. We'll see about darling Adam.


signing off..Hazelinesnow at 11:33 PM [ | ]

{Takes all sorts to make the world .. the world..}

Friday, December 10, 2004

Yesterday was my darling husband's birthday. We bought a carrot walnut cake to celebrate it with Adam & Balqis. We asked for 10 fat candles and bought some party packs so that both of them will have some fun. This means that everything is being done in their consideration. Balqis was suprised when told that 'It's Daddy's birthday today, so we have a happy birthday later at home.' She asked me 'Daddy also have a birthday?' I said everybody does. She pondered and deliberated on this fact for awhile. Last night I added that 'Tomorrow will be Adam's birthday, you know.' She thought about it and asked me whether she could have another birthday. 'Of course not. Everybody has a birthday once only every year.' She was not too happy but accepted it with 'oklah'.

So today, my darling brilliant son Adam is 2 years old. How time flies (Typically what all mothers would say). An independent kid with pizzaz. He's always entertaining us with his antics. As a baby, he was very easy to take care of, hassle-free. The cool dude. He can talk a little now, you know. His vocabulary is building up and I noticed he speaks both languages, English and Malay but mostly Malay.

He sneezed when they put him on the baby bassinet within moments of me giving birth to him. He sneezed and his feet kicked the side of the bassinet. Everybody in the labor room stopped what they were doing to look at him and laughed. He was born on the 5th day of Syawal, 10 December 2002 in the wee hours of the night.

Last night I awoke to check on him, he noticed me and opened his eyes and held out a hand. I held his hand while he nodded off to sleep again. He still wakes up for night feeds and my darling husband always helps out with his feeds at night. He stopped being breast fed when he was a little bit over one year old. I was hoping that he would continue on until he is 2 years old but I was going back to work then. He did continue but for the night feeds and whenever he could be with me during the day.

The carefree Adam who smiles and winks whenever we tell him 'I Love You, Adam.' Also the Adam who would climb on your shoulder with one leap and pull your hair. Pinched you and look at your reactions as he does all this with a thin smile on his face. Who for no apparent reason, will take a book or toys or whatever it is that he has in his hands and hit his sister's head with it.

My darling Adam, Happy Birthday my baby!






signing off..Hazelinesnow at 1:56 PM [ | ]

{Takes all sorts to make the world .. the world..}

Monday, December 06, 2004

It's 7.40am. I've sent my brood to the babysitter's and the LRT. Just as I was about to settle down, I heard the motor bike outside my home. The newspaper nyonya is here delivering papers to my neighbor. She likes to ram up the bike, you cant miss her. I ran out as quickly as I can because she's fast. She rides off pretty fast, for a nyonya. I almost twisted my ankle trying to get into my slippers but managed to get hold of her. Got hold of the papers and look through Computimes as fast as I can and as carefully as I can, looking out for a client's news. Sigh -- not there yet. It was a one-on-one interview -- why wasnt it being picked up yet! This means a personal call bearing candies in a jar. I'll figure it out later.

I was thinking on how calm Balqis was this morning about going to stay at Adam's babysitter for the day. We dont feel like sending her off to school just yet because we know that she will be a wild and carefree girl at the school, with probably not enough rest, busy playing. That Tuesday after she returned back to school after being sick, she became worst by night and both me and my darling husband did not sleep taking turns to sponge her down, monitoring her. Wednesday we went to see her pediatrician at the Kelana Jaya Medical Centre and was subscribed to a brand new set of medication which I must say works wonders on her!

I did some banking after the doctor's visit and my darling husband gave her the medication, while waiting for me in the car. So after dropping off my darling husband at his office, both me and Balqis rode home. She was extraordinarily quiet so I started a series of conversations, asking her questions, telling her stuff. Guess what she said to me? 'Ma ... can you not talk? I just want to sit here and be quiet!' Let me tell you ... I have not gotten over that yet!

Okay. I need to wash my hair, blow dry it and choose something semi formal to wear. I have 3 appointments today. I'd better get close to my schedule because I had an agreement signed with the little-finger-twist style (latest in fashion) this morning with the household's CEO, Balqis. I'd better not fetch her 'night time'. It has to be 'not late' because 'the other day you promise also you come late one!'

Off I go. Dont want to get anymore demerits.




signing off..Hazelinesnow at 7:47 AM [ | ]

{Takes all sorts to make the world .. the world..}